Authentic Grade 4 Student Writing: Comments Welcome!

Recently, I blogged about the writing our fourth grade students have been engaged with using Dell Netbooks as a tool to support the writing process. Woodglen Elementary School teacher Leslie Melton has shared some of her students' work with me, and one is shared below. 

"We have been making great use of the netbooks and I'm excited to tell you that the class has adapted beautifully to the smaller format keyboard,"  said Ms. Melton. 

The students in her class are excited about their writing and sharing, as is the teacher.  "Five paragraphs for some became pages of great biographies," she said.  "We revised on the computer which led naturally into lessons on moving copy around, inserting, cutting, you name it.  Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you!" 

When asked about their work, Ms. Melton commented that the students were thoroughly engaged, and "students self-edited, peer-edited, and I reviewed, but did not edit with a fine tooth comb - it is their work."

Below is a sample from her class.  Please click here to send Ms. Melton and her students any feedback.

Albert Einstein
By: Alexis

Imagine being a lonely boy to becoming the greatest scientist in the world. Now that’s a BIG step! And that amazing step was made by Albert Einstein.

Albert Einstein was born on March 14th 1879. Albert was an odd child. He had a big, odd shaped head and a rather large body. Even though this was weird his parents were O.K. with it. Now his grandmother’s first look must have been painful for little Albert. The second she saw him, she shrieked “much too fat, much too fat”! Albert was also slow to speak. Albert would whisper each sentence to himself (or in his head) to make sure it sounded right. Then he would slowly say it just enough to hear himself saying it correctly. Soon after, Albert had a little sister, Maja. Albert’s first look did NOT go to well! Albert thought she was a toy. So his first words...”where are the wheels?!” he questioned.  I’m sure his parents were not too happy. At the little age of 4 Albert saw the first building in Munich get electricity. Think that was an influence? Well, that was just about the biggest one in his life. Albert then found his love for science. Albert also threw many tantrums. One day when Albert was forced to play his violin (which he hated) he had a tantrum and threw a chair at his teacher! Wow!

Albert was tutored till the age of 6. When he started school he went to a nearby Catholic school even though he was Jewish. This was probably a BIG obstacle! Knowing that Albert wouldn’t understand most of the things that were going on, it was always daydreaming for Albert. Later in his childhood around the age of 10 Albert applied for The Luitpold Gymnasium. Even there, there were only 5% Jews out of 1,000 kids, the rest were Catholic. Albert did not make any friends at either school. The kids called him names and made fun of him. Many of the teachers didn’t like Albert either. One day Albert’s father asked one of his teachers, “What profession should Albert pursue?”  They just said, “It doesn’t matter, he is most unlikely to excel in anything!”

Even though most of Albert’s teachers did not give him a boost of confidence, for his life’s journey there were two people that did.  These two people were Uncle Jakob and Max Talmud.  Albert, Max, and Jakob shared a great love for math and the part that really intrigued him, well that was algebra and his uncle Jakob was the only one that could really understand him.  Albert had a special way of learning.  Things had to be turned into something like a game, for instance, algebra.  Uncle Jakob said, “x is a little unknown animal, when we catch it, we will give it its proper name (number).”  Maja said that Albert never gave up on a problem, until he solved it, then he would jump for joy!  When Albert was eleven, he met Max.  Max saw some very unusual things, like Max “never saw Albert reading any light literature.” Albert also never had any friends over, so Max enjoyed when Albert appreciated his company.  Max saw Albert could understand very high levels of math and philosophy, so Albert was reading Max’s textbooks.  Once, when Albert was twelve, over the summer, he received his workbook that he would be using over the school year.  Albert flipped through the pages, and up ended up as him doing the whole book.  Max was impressed, but laughed like crazy.

Later when Albert was 15 he got separated from his family.  So the Einstein’s had to move.  Well, everyone except Albert, but they did it for his own good.  Albert hated the military and DID NOT want to be a soldier, but after the age of 16, every German boy not going to school had to go into the military.  So Albert stayed in school until December 29, 1894 right before his 16th birthday.  That was when he happily left for his family.  They were all the way in Italy while he was left alone in plain old Germany.  Albert got a letter from his dad about further education.  His dad wanted him to take on the family business, but this was NOT what Albert had in mind.  Later on, Albert decided that he would apply for the Swiss Federal Polytechnic Institute in Zurich, Switzerland.  This was a new kind of college devoted to training teachers.  All he had to do was pass the entrance exam, and he’d be accepted.  But Albert was two years younger than everyone else, he was only 16, so he had to get special permission to take and apply the test.   The exam began on October 8, 1895.  On October 24th, Albert and his mother were called to the director’s office.  Herzog, the director, stated that Albert had passed the subjects part, but failed the general information.  He said, “Albert will not be admitted,” but suggested that Albert continue his studies at the Swiss high school and finish his matura exams there.  So Albert left again for high school.

When Albert got to Aarua, Switzerland he stayed with the Wintelers.  Albert enjoyed spending time with Maria Winteler.  Although Maria was two years older, the two still had much to discuss and enjoy in common.  Later, in school, Albert took French and titled a list, “Mes Projects D’avenir,” which meant, My Plans for the Future.  On that he put, “I would be delighted to become a science teacher,” then said, “One always likes to do what one has ability to do.”  Albert was so happy in Switzerland and Italy he did NOT want to go back to Germany.  So, on January 28, 1896, Albert had renounced his German citizenship. Later on, when Albert was finished with his matura examas, at collage he met a wonderful girl named Meliva. Everyone loved her; well everyone but Albert’s mother. She thought “Meliva was a waste to the world”! But Albert was determined to follow his dreams. He married Meliva “had 3 wonderful kids, just like his wife”. After a while Albert found a great job with a BIG price. The Einstien’s had to move! So Albert got on packing but just then Meliva came in “I’m not moving, we’ve got 3 babies”! And so it was, Albert took the job and got divorced.  Albert married his cousin who took care of him during the move. Albert now had a great life once again… until something terrible happened, Elsa died and Meliva was so sick, Albert had to watch the kids. Soon after, Meliva died and the kids went to live with their grandparents. Albert was alone in the world. Then, in 1955, Albert Einstein died.

Albert Einstein was a great man.  From being a lonely boy to becoming the greatest scientist and creating E=mc2, Albert Einstein, changed the world forever.  “Life is like riding a bike, to keep your balance you must keep moving forward,” and that’s exactly what he did.

 If I could meet this brilliant man today and ask him one question it would be, “Where did you get all your courage to follow your dreams and stand up for yourself?” Because you are a truly amazing man!

Please click here to send Ms. Melton's student any comments you may have.  Tomorrow, I will post more student work.